Category: Reviews

Atomic Superwoman | Godzilla vs. SpaceGodzilla (1994) Review

November 7, 2023

The previous installment, Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla II, was one movie too many. I’d actually forgotten it existed before embarking on this review journey more than a year ago. After watching Godzilla and Mothra, I was dreading it, while conversely looking forward to SpaceGodzilla, and so the two came to represent a binary in my mind. On one hand, you have a competent but generic Heisei Godzilla movie, one which introduces absolutely nothing new, and on the other hand, you have the movie where the tip of Godzilla’s tail is coming off. What better visual metaphor for a series that’s run its course? Godzilla vs. SpaceGodzilla is exactly what I want from a long-running film franchise: “We’ve run out of ideas, so let’s make crap up.” It wouldn’t be competent but unhinged, and it wouldn’t be generic but, indeed, unhinged. … More Atomic Superwoman | Godzilla vs. SpaceGodzilla (1994) Review

More Dinosaurs | Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla II (1993) Review

November 6, 2023

By this point in the Godzilla chronicles, I feel a bit lost. Our feature tonight, Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla II, is a perfect entry in the Heisei series. It checks all the boxes of everything that worked in the past, so what worries me is that when the boxes are checked, we’re still left with a mediocre film. And “mediocre” might be a funny word to use. I mean, these movies were produced practically nonstop, and for a young audience, whose chief and maybe only stipulation is that Godzilla appears. That’s a big check. But reviewing this movie positively – which I’d fully anticipated, having a brief idea of its general reputation – wouldn’t be very useful. Not that any of the lessons we might pull from Mechagodzilla II can be applied to future films, as they’ve already been made, but goddamn it – or Godzilla it – they could have. … More More Dinosaurs | Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla II (1993) Review

Beautiful Violence | Raise the Red Lantern (1991) Review

September 22, 2023

All of the great films I’ve seen this year – John Wick: Chapter 4, Dragon Inn, Ran – left me thrilled or excited or breathless but intact. It’s been a long time that I’ve been this shaken by a movie. The credits rolled and the Blu-ray disc whirred inside the PS4 and I clicked around for a bit, first on the trailer by accident and then on an interview with film historian Tony Raynes. I had no idea what he was saying. I just sat there, responded to a couple of texts, and realized that as much as I’d been planning on writing a review for Raise the Red Lantern – this site would be incomplete without it! – doing so would mean lingering in that head space, and returning to that world. … More Beautiful Violence | Raise the Red Lantern (1991) Review

Deduction, Not Reduction | Lady Detective Shadow (2018) Review

September 16, 2023

I’ll be honest, I watched this movie in three installments, against the ticking clock of a 48-hour rental on Amazon Prime Video. For the first few minutes of the second session, I was convinced the playback hadn’t remembered where I left off. “Didn’t I already see this part where they force their way into the inn, witness a fight, then talk with the police?” I sure had, but it happens again, with variations enough for a kind of “can you spot the difference?” puzzle. To be honest once more, I had no earthly idea what was going on in this movie, and I doubt an undisrupted viewing experience would’ve done the trick. I may be among that special few who find kung fu movie plots confusing, but I have a feeling, in this case, I can share the blame: myself, the movie, and fate (as authored by the logistics of international film distribution). … More Deduction, Not Reduction | Lady Detective Shadow (2018) Review

Kicks to the Face Before Breakfast | Lady Whirlwind (1972) Review

July 19, 2023

Since we’re all in the “video game adaptation” mood lately, I might suggest a challenge: a faithful film version of an RPG, say, The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim. The hero has a task, and then they spend the entire movie on side quests. This was my thinking during Lady Whirlwind, one of the early star vehicles for Angela Mao. Having costarred with him in Enter the Dragon, she’s sometimes considered “the female Bruce Lee,” but I was skeptical, even watching her early scenes here. The character she’s playing is cool and confident, but her facial expressions tell a different story in the midst of fighting. Does “female Bruce Lee” simply mean “female martial arts star”? And does a woman score the title just by being good, suggesting that we don’t expect greatness? It takes me a moment to realize that she’s taking on a dozen guys at a time, and most critically, that like a lot of Bruce Lee characters, she’s kind of a dick. She is certainly not the hero, and in fact, wants the hero dead. Thank God she spends the entire movie on side quests. … More Kicks to the Face Before Breakfast | Lady Whirlwind (1972) Review

I’m a Cow(girl) | DOA: Dead or Alive (2006) Review

July 6, 2023

DOA: Dead or Alive gets off to a rough start. We find Princess Kasumi awkwardly sitting on a throne and a dork named Hayabusa awkwardly standing nearby and expositing. Then Kasumi gets up and leaves, trading awkward dialogue with Hayabusa as he follows. She wants to leave the palace to find her dear brother Hayate, but “Princess Kasumi,” he warns, “the guards will kill you!” So she goes outside and it’s a veritable Curse of the Golden Flower army. And yet, nothing happens. A pink-haired Ayane shows up to further exposit awkwardly, and then Kasumi turns off the gravity and leaps over the gate, over the Great Wall of China, and over a cliff. No fight scene, but a lot of terrible acting, terrible special effects, and terrible everything. As far as video game adaptations go, it’s pretty faithful. … More I’m a Cow(girl) | DOA: Dead or Alive (2006) Review

Insects of Sea and Space | Godzilla and Mothra: The Battle for Earth (1992) Review

June 5, 2023

This one is so close. It just needed a little more time in the oven. All the pieces are here, and they mostly fit together, but there’s something missing. Maybe an oomph? Maybe it’s the pieces themselves, each of them chipped in some unique way. Take the characters, for example. I know, this isn’t the place to start with a Godzilla movie, but that would make Godzilla movies an exception. Our protagonist this time, arguably, is Takuya Fujito, an archaeology professor who steals artifacts from tombs. After he’s thrown in jail, he’s visited by government men who want him and the feisty Masako to investigate a meteor on Infant Island. Apparently, this island is in Indonesian territory, making it off-limits to Japan, like an echo of the original Godzilla’s production. Okay, so Takuya is a man of action, unlike the sci-fi writers and journalists of Heisei movies past. He has more immediate personality, but one nevertheless expressed by whining through the bars of his jail cell. Not super appealing. … More Insects of Sea and Space | Godzilla and Mothra: The Battle for Earth (1992) Review

Home Movies | Shin Kamen Rider (2023) Review

June 1, 2023

Chances are, if you’ve heard of Shin Kamen Rider, you’re gonna go see it. For my part, I missed Shin Godzilla in theaters and then missed Shin Ultraman. I was determined not to miss Shin Kamen Rider, despite it being my least favorite of the three properties. My experience with Kamen Rider is mostly bafflement. There’s this explosion of light and color, and suddenly, he’s on a motorcycle. Who? I don’t know. The guy who’s running away from the mutants, and he has to stop SHOCKER. Obviously. The difference between Godzilla, Ultraman, and Kamen Rider is a matter of personal taste. I prefer monsters to superheroes, and Kamen Rider is a quintessential Japanese superhero, up there with Astro Boy. Shin Kamen Rider is the 50th anniversary project (adjusted for COVID), and as alluded to, the third in anime maestro Hideaki Anno’s weird revival movies, beginning with the masterpiece Shin Godzilla. … More Home Movies | Shin Kamen Rider (2023) Review

New World Order | Godzilla vs. King Ghidorah (1991) Review

April 17, 2023

Opening with a tease is almost never a good idea. It always feels so arbitrary, to show a moment from the middle of the story and then say “One Year Earlier.” When we get back to that moment chronologically, it never feels like anything. “Oh, great, so that’s how we know that happened.” It might not even be inherently bad but that its use is so automated, because test screenings find the beginning too slow. Godzilla vs. King Ghidorah opens with maybe the ultimate tease, informing us we’re in the year 2204 before “flashing back” to present-day 1992. That’s not a good sign, and neither is our ostensible lead, Kenichiro Terasawa, being a science fiction writer. Made famous by a book on ESP, he’s hoping to break into more human interest stories, which is a dramatic need that hardly screams “Godzilla movie.” Fortunately for us, his human interest turns out to be a veteran of World War II who believes that dinosaurs still yet live. Then we cut to a classic government conference room where people in suits discuss The Situation, this time involving UFOs. There’s a lot going on already. … More New World Order | Godzilla vs. King Ghidorah (1991) Review

Bulletproof Suit | John Wick: Chapter 4 (2023) Review

March 28, 2023

In a way, John Wick: Chapter 4 is a needless sequel. Rewind to 2019, with about 45 minutes to go in John Wick: Chapter 3 – Parabellum, around when the plot seems to whisper “actually, this is not the grand finale.” A confrontation with the ultimate bad guys is averted, and we’re left on a cliffhanger. What’s funny about the world of John Wick as it’s expressed in Chapter 3 and Chapter 4 is – where’s the mob? Who are these assassins killing when they’re not killing each other? This felt like less of a “problem” in Chapter 3, where John Wick was facing the consequences for the assassination of a non-assassin character. Cue the assassins, and that’s fine. In Chapter 4, we have the same consequence, again. Now it isn’t John Wick versus New York City, it’s John Wick versus… well, that’s a long story. … More Bulletproof Suit | John Wick: Chapter 4 (2023) Review