DOA: Dead or Alive gets off to a rough start. We find Princess Kasumi awkwardly sitting on a throne and a dork named Hayabusa awkwardly standing nearby and expositing. Then Kasumi gets up and leaves, trading awkward dialogue with Hayabusa as he follows. She wants to leave the palace to find her dear brother Hayate, but “Princess Kasumi,” he warns, “the guards will kill you!” So she goes outside and it’s a veritable Curse of the Golden Flower army. And yet, nothing happens. A pink-haired Ayane shows up to further exposit awkwardly, and then Kasumi turns off the gravity and leaps over the gate, over the Great Wall of China, and over a cliff. No fight scene, but a lot of terrible acting, terrible special effects, and terrible everything. As far as video game adaptations go, it’s pretty faithful. … More I’m a Cow(girl) | DOA: Dead or Alive (2006) Review